Back to the Future: The Shitennou Edition!
by Arctic Rainbow
Summary: When Nephrite eats all of Kunzite's leftover Chinese food, Kunzite tries to banish him to the chaotic world of multiple dimensions. But when things go haywire, all four Shitennou get sent to the Silver Millennium! To get back to their own time, they'll need help from the Sailor Scouts, Prince Endymion, and their past selves! How will they get out of this one?
1. Chapter 1

Kunzite woke up with a huge smile on his face. Nega-sunlight poured in through his castle window, and the Nega-breeze gently ruffled his hair. He looked lovingly over at Zoisite, who still lay asleep on the other side of the bed, before quietly climbing out and onto his feet. He tip-toed out of the room, and upon shutting the door, he made a mad dash towards the kitchen. Nothing about this day could be more perfect, he thought to himself. For he had something of the utmost importance to look forward to: the leftover Chinese food from last night. He had eagerly awaited this moment since the minute they had arrived in the Chinese restaurant, and at last, he could indulge in the delectable leftovers. As he neared the kitchen, he practically skipped over to the refridgerator. He swung the door open, nearly breaking it off its hinges, and pulled out a carton. Jumping with joy, he began to empty the leftover white rice onto a paper plate. But nothing came out. A look of horror appeared on his face, and after a minute of preparing for the worst, he forced himself to peer into the container. The scream that followed woke the entire Negaverse. "WHO ATE ALL MY LEFTOVERS?!"

At once, he gathered his fellow Shitennou in his thrown room. He hadn't exactly warned them that he would be teleporting them there, so they all looked up in shock at their new surroundings.

Jadeite looked down and his face turned bright red. He was still in his underwear! Noticing this, and wanting to see no more, Kunzite used magic to warp him up a uniform. Jadeite breathed a sigh of relief.

Nephrite muttered something like "What the hell?" He was exceedingly hung over, and the last thing he wanted to do was deal with whatever insignificant thing Kunzite had gathered them there for. He warped up dark shades for himself so that he could secretly shut his eyes and attempt to resume sleeping.

"Men," began Kunzite, voice stern with the utmost seriousness.

"Hi Kunzy!" Zoisite called out to him waving.

"Hey Zoi!" he called back, before resuming his professional demeanor. "It has come to my attention that there has been an act of treason amongst our own Dark Kingdom!"

Jadeite and Zoisite gasped. Nephrite snored quietly.

"An act of betrayal so treacherous, so treasonous, that we cannot trust a living being around us until the perpetrator has been discovered and prosecuted for this heinous act. Until we can find who is responsible for this, our every waking breath must be dedicated to bringing about this much needed justice. The very essence of our society will be irreplaceably corrupted if this traitor is not brought to light!"

"What has this horrible person done?" asked Jadeite, his voice laced with fear. He couldn't even begin to imagine what malicious deed had been done to rile Kunzite to this extent.

Kunzite looked down, barely able to put this hideous act into words. "They... they..." Zoisite gave him a look of compassion and reassurance, nodding for him to go on. He took a deep breath. "THEY ATE ALL MY LEFTOVER CHINESE FOOD!"

The volume with which Kunzite yelled this suddenly woke Nephrite up from his standing nap. Having not heard anything that had been said prior to this, and still in somewhat of a drunken stupor, he began chuckling. "Oh, those were your leftovers? I thought they were Zoisite's. My bad."

Kunzite's eyes grew wide with shock and a deep feeling of betrayal. "YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED TO THE MOST SEVERE EXTENT OF THE NEGALAW!"

Nephrite was confused. "Huh? They were just leftovers. They were pretty stale, actually. I only took a few bites before throwing them away."

"THROWING THEM AWAY?! YOU SHALL PERISH SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY!"

"Woah, what?" Nephrite began to look worried. He figured his concern was unwarranted, though. Kunzite couldn't possibly do anything serious to him over some bad leftovers.

"I will send you to the chaotic world of multiple dimensions!" Kunzite shouted, creating a portal below Nephrite. He tried to run, but the portal was growing bigger.

"Did I say I ate those leftovers? What I meant to say was that JADEITE-" but it was too late. He got sucked in by the portal, and fell chaotically through spacetime.

"WoooOOOOoooOOO!" laughed Zoisite. "Good riddance!"

Suddenly, Jadeite got sucked in as well. "WAAAAaaaAAA!" he screamed, as he too fell through time and space.

"Way to kill two birds with one portal!" applauded Zoisite. The hole continued to grow, and it began pulling in some of their furniture. "Come on Kunzy, close that up before it messes up our castle!"

Kunzite looked distraught. "I'm trying..."

"Ahahaha, but you should have seen the looks on Jed and Neph's faces as they got pulled in there! It's quite entertaining when bad things happen to those who deserve- WAaaaaAAAaaAA!" screamed Zoisite, getting sucked into the void as well.

"Zoisite!" Kunzite called out in shock. He grabbed Zoisite's hand as he fell, attempting to pull him back up, but it only caused Kunzite to be pulled in as well. The world spun around them, and his vision began to go black.

All four Shitennou awoke side by side with a thud. Their eyes scanned their surroundings, and they gasped.

"Where... where are we?" Jadeite asked.

"I don't know," Kunzite responded.

They were on a long pathway, with water on both sides. At the end of the pathway there was a magnificent palace, topped by a crescent moon symbol.

"This place is giving me bad vibes," Nephrite commented. "How about you warp us back to the Negaverse before anything bad happens?"

Kunzite scowled at him. "I'll warp the other two back, but not you. You must face the consequences of your thoughtless actions." With that, he grabbed Zoisite, and then reluctantly, Jadeite, and pulled them back into the chaotic world of multiple dimensions.

They fell for hours, or at least it felt like it, anyway. When they came to, they were in some sort of jungle.

"This doesn't look like the Negaverse to me..." Jadeite began.

"Of course it's not! This is going to take multiple attempts before we end up back in the Negaverse. Hence the term, 'chaotic.'" Kunzite explained.

Zoisite screamed suddenly. They were being charged by a T-Rex!

"KUNZAITO-SAMA!" he cried. "WARP US AWAY! QUICK!"

He didn't have to ask twice. The next place they appeared in was the middle of some large field. They heard a low rumbling, but it was growing in intensity. Then, they spotted two giant armies on either side of the field. And they were right in the middle of where they were about to fight! Kunzite warped them away before they got impaled by arrows.

The next time, they appeared hovering. They looked down below them, to see AN ERUPTING VOLCANO. They quickly warped again, almost dropping Jadeite in the process.

Before they could catch their breath, they appeared in the sky, right in front a giant plane heading their way! "NO NO NO NO-" Jadeite yelled in terror, barely getting teleported before being run over again.

Kunzite continued warping them to different dimensions as quickly as he could, but their luck was only getting worse. After having passed through the pointy object dimension, the giant cheese grater and lemon juice dimension, the dimension of bath water that was just slightly not hot enough to be comfortable, and the dimension of 10,000 volts, they appeared back next to Nephrite.

"NO MORE!" begged Jadeite and Zoisite.

"Well, well, well," began Nephrite, accusingly. "Looks like my loyal friends came back for me after all."

"Ha, no," said Kunzite. "We ended up back here by accident. It appears I don't have as much control over the multiple dimensions as I had formerly thought. It wouldn't be practical to continue hopping dimensions randomly as we just were, we might get killed."

"You almost dropped me in a volcano!" yelled Jadeite.

"I will need to learn how to pinpoint the exact dimension we want before trying it again. This may take some time, so we will have to make due wherever we currently are until then."

"Ha, you all got what you deserved for abandoning me," Nephrite said, laughing harshly. He shoveled some rice into his mouth.

"Where did you get that?" Kunzite demanded.

"Oh, the leftover salesman came by while you guys were gone. I would have got some for you, but I didn't think you'd be returning so soon!"

Kunzite fumed at him.

"So you're saying we're stuck here?" Jadeite questioned.

"I'm afraid so," Kunzite responded.

"Well, this is just great!" shouted Nephrite in frustration. "You've really done it this time, Kunzite!"

"Yeah," Jadeite joined in. "Way to go! NOT!"

"Hey, lay off him!" Zoisite interjected. "This is all Nephrite's fault. If he hadn't robbed Kunzaito-sama of his rightful leftovers, none of this would have happened!"

"I agree!" Kunzite added. "Besides, you all should be grateful that we didn't end up in a worse predicament. I've screwed up worse than this before. One time I even gave the Sailor Scouts back their memories!"

But the other three weren't listening. They had spotted a group of five girls approaching them from the other end of the pathway. Could it be? Their eyes all widened as they wondered if they were about to be assaulted by the one thing they thought they would be safe from in this dimension.

"It's the Sailor Scouts!" they all cried out in unison.


	2. Chapter 2

The four generals assumed their battle stances side by side as the Sailor Scouts came closer. This was it. This was the final showdown, their last stand. Two forces would enter the arena, and only one would leave. They hoped they would emerge victorious, but they would have to give it all they had. They had learned the hard way not to underestimate the Sailors, and as such, began charging up the most powerful attacks they could muster.

They just couldn't believe the Sailors had developed the technology to follow them into another dimension. What other tricks could they have up their sleeves? The Senshi approached menacingly, somewhat veiled by the glaring sunlight. But the Shitennou could still make out their hair, and their faces, and they knew it had to be them.

Only… it wasn't!? All four generals breathed an enormous sigh of relief as the five girls got close enough to them to be fully identified. What had they been thinking? They weren't the Sailor Scouts! They were just Ami, Rei, Serena, Makoto, and Minako!

The four relaxed their stances and let out a laugh as the girls waved and greeted them. The girls let out a laugh too, and then four of them pulled out these strange pen-like objects. Before the Shitennou could wonder why these sticks seemed so familiar, the girls held them up into the sky and began shouting,

"Mercury POWER!"

"Mars POWER!"

"Jupiter POWER!"

"Venus POWER!"

The generals gasped. It was a trap!

Kunzite, refusing to reveal his shock and dismay, took to the offensive.

"Hahaha, Scouts!" he laughed. "We now know your identities, so we can attack you anytime we wish! So much for living normal civilian lives! And it's only a matter of time until we find Sailor Moon's identity as well!" He charged up an energy blast, hoping to be able to land the first attack. But he was thrown off by Sailor Venus's laughter.

"Tee hee! You're so silly, Kun-chan!" she giggled.

"What kind of sick mind games are these fools playing?" he asked his fellow Shitennou in horror.

"So," Sailor Mars began, grinning. "Princess Serenity," she said, for some unknown reason gesturing to Serena, "has decided to have another ball tonight! Jed-chan, Neph-chan, Zoi-chan, Kun-chan, we will be expecting your attendance!"

"That's a strange battle cry," commented Nephrite. "But we can't let it fool us!"

"'Ball' must be this dimension's word for duel, and 'attendance' must be slang for demise!" Jadeite inferred.

"ATTACK!" Kunzite commanded, throwing nega-boomerangs at the scouts. They slightly tattered their uniforms.

"Hey, cut that out!" Sailor Jupiter said playfully, still laughing.

But Mercury looked concerned. "Why are you acting so strange, friends?" she asked.

"THEY'VE GONE MAD!" Kunzite declared. "MAD WITH GENIUS! THIS IS THEIR MOST ELABORATELY BRILLIANT SCHEME YET!"

"Kunzite-sama..." Zoisite began. "Do you think it's possible that in whatever twisted dimension this is, they actually believe we're their friends?"

Kunzite paused. "Hmm, I suppose you may be right. Afterall, I'd doubt it if those Sailor Failures could come up with any scheme this intricately planned."

"So, what are you suggesting we do?" Jadeite asked.

"We ought to play along, and make them think we're on their side. We can infiltrate them and find out what they're really up to. Then, we can exterminate them!"

"Uh..." Nephrite interjected. "Shouldn't we just focus on getting back to our own dimension?"

"SILENCE!" Kunzite yelled.

The girls interrupted them.

"Hey, what happened to your uniforms?" Serena asked them suddenly.

"...What do you mean by that..."

"Why are they so much darker than normal?"

"Oh!" Jadeite replied, thinking on his feet. "It's because we fell in a puddle!" The Scouts gave him a puzzled look. "Of ink!"

"Smooth," muttered Nephrite.

"Ah, that explains it!" Serena exclaimed. "So, like Rei-chan mentioned, you simply must attend the ball tonight! We'll be celebrating the engagements!" She winked. Rei stomped her foot, and shoved her, as though she had just shared something that was supposed to be a surprise.

"What engagements?" they all asked.

The Senshi laughed, and Mina commented, "You guys are acting so wacky today! As if you could ever forget the group wedding we'll be having in a couple of months!"

"GROUP WEDDING!?"

The Scouts laughed even harder. "Come now," said Mars, urging the other Scouts to follow her. "We have Sailor Business to take care of. We don't have time to goof off with those granola bars!" The others giggled.

As she started to walk past the Shitennou and down the long path, she turned to Jadeite and smiled. Jadeite gave her a dirty look, the kind that said "Y u always be shootin fire at meh?" Apparently, she didn't see it, because she gave him a kiss.

"WOAH, WHAT?" All the other Shitennou gasped in shock.

Jadeite stood there, blushing, and murmured something along the lines of "Dayummmm gurl!"

"Dang," Nephrite said loudly. "A girl willing to kiss Jadeite! I never thought I'd see the day!" He hunched over in laughter. But his cackling was cut short, when he himself was kissed by Sailor Jupiter!

He was into it for a moment, but then suddenly pulled away, screaming "AAGHGHAHAHAGH!"

Jupiter looked at him curiously.

"OH NO, MOLLY! IF SHE FINDS OUT..."

"Who?" Jupiter asked, accusingly.

"Then again," Nephrite reasoned. "I am in another dimension. There's no way she could possibly-"

"Tee hee hee!" laughed Zoisite. "Good thing I brought my camera! Just wait until that girl Molly hears about this! I pity the poor girl," he giggled, replaying the video on his camera. "What a shame it must be, having to watch the one you love get kissed by another- AUWUGHEUGHHUH!" Zoisite shrieked, as Sailor Venus smooched Kunzite.

Kunzite looked over imploringly, giving a 'You saw I totally didn't agree to that or see it coming' look.

"IMA KILL U, BITCH!" Zoisite screamed, going full crazy girlfriend. "IMA RIP THAT WEAVE STRAIGHT OFF YO FACE AND THEN IMA-"

But his threats were cut short when he too fell victim to a sudden kiss- that of Sailor Mercury.

He leapt backwards and hid behind Kunzite, yelling "WAAAAAAA!"

The Sailor Senshi seemed to pay no notice to the Shitennou's adverse reactions, and flew off happily, carrying Serena who was dressed like a princess for some reason.

"KUNZAITO-SAMA!" Zoisite was still screaming in horror and gagging. "KUNZAITO-SAMA, SHE KISSED ME!"

Kunzite just smirked. Now Zoisite couldn't be mad at him, since he had 'cheated' as well.

"SHE KISSED ME! A GIRL!" Zoisite looked demandingly at Kunzite, as though he somehow expected him to undo what had just happened.

Nephrite took the opportunity to sneak up behind Zoisite and destroy his camera. He didn't even notice.

"WHAT KIND OF SLEAZE DOES SHE THINK I AM?!" Zoisite screamed even louder.

"Yeah," Nephrite laughed, proud to have rid himself of that blackmail footage. "Who could possibly think YOU were straight!"

"Hey!" Zoisite complained. "Uncalled for!"

Jadeite rubbed his throbbing headache, hoping the screaming was over.

"KUNZAITO-SAMA!" demanded Zoisite indignantly, yet again.

Kunzite turned his head away so Zoi couldn't see his look of amusement.

"Come on," Neph tried to reason. "How about instead of keeping at this whining, we go try to find out where exactly we are? The sooner we know, the sooner we can get out of this wacked-out dimension, right?"

"What's the rush, again?" Jadeite asked, thinking pleasantly about Sailor Mars. He had never noticed how 'hot' and 'smoking' she was...

"Yes," Kunzite said, agreeing with Nephrite for once. "Let's head towards that palace. It might give us clues to our location."

As they walked down the path and got closer and closer to the palace, Kunzite began to experience some strange feelings of deja vu. Why did this place seem so familiar?

Some of the features of the castle started to stand out to him. That long staircase, those pillars, that dome roof... He suddenly recalled violent images of them.

"Those staircases!" he shouted, aloud. The other three turned to him. "I remember them! We blew those babies to smithereens! Bam! And those pillars! We knocked them over like dominoes! WOOSH! OH, and that roof! We blew that one up from the inside, and debris shot everywhere! OH BABY!" Kunzite let out a hysterical evil laugh. "AHAHAHAHA!" He began to roll on the floor in laughter at how hard he vaguely remembered having raided this place.

The remaining generals looked deeply concerned. But in that moment, it dawned on all of them, and at once, they announced their location.

"WE'RE IN THE SILVER MILLENNIUM!"

Kunzite looked at Zoi, Neph, and Jade, surprised. "Wait, you guys remember it too?"

"Remember what?" Zoisite asked. "We just noticed that billboard over there, 'Sailor Pluto's Palatable Pizza: The Best Pizza of the Silver Millennium!'"

"Oh."


	3. Chapter 3

The four Shitennou wandered around the exterior of the Moon Palace. The sun shined brightly, and the strange blue moon sky was prettier than ever.

"So, what exactly are we looking for?" Nephrite inquired.

"Why, Sailor Pluto's Palatable Pizza, of course!" Jadeite explained.

"Why don't we just ask for directions?" Zoisite asked.

"I AM LORD KUNZITE, THE FOURTH AND GREATEST SHITENNOU WARRIOR! I DO NOT ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!" Kunzite shouted, bumping into a pole.

They began their third consecutive lap around the castle.

"We're not going to find it," Nephrite muttered, exasperated. "Let's just give up. We really don't need pizza all that much."

"Yes we do!" Kunzite scolded. "I'm starving!"

"Why didn't you eat breakfast?" Nephrite reprimanded.

"Because, YOU ATE ALL OF MY LEFTOV-"

"Nope, I'm out," declared Nephrite, refusing to hunt down pizza any longer. "This is stupid. I quit."

A voice from behind startled them all. A catchy theme song rung through the air. "Quitters never win, and winners never quit!" the voice explained in an inspiring tone. They turned around.

It was Prince Endymion!

Zoisite blinked. "Ima kill him."

"Hello, good friends!" the prince began. "My guardians, we have much work to be done!"

"We're... he thinks we're... his guardians?" Jadeite wondered in shock.

Zoisite blinked again. "Ima kill him." He spawned a crystal from the ground behind Prince Endymion, and was about to send it flying at him, when Kunzite gave him a nudge on the arm, messing up his concentration and causing the crystal to dissolve.

"No, you're not," Kunzite stated.

"WHAT? WHY NOT?" Zoisite whined.

"Because. We don't know what we're up against here. If I remember correctly, the Earth Kingdom, of which he is prince, has an entire army at their disposal. His father, King Endymion, would not be too pleased with his son's premature death. While we most likely could overcome their entire army, we shouldn't take any risks. Just play along, until we can figure a way out of this."

Zoisite crossed his arms and pouted.

"Hey wait a minute," Endymion noted. "You guys changed your outfits?"

"Umm, yeah," Nephrite stated, before Jadeite could give another stupid cover-up.

"Gosh darn, why didn't you tell me you were switching up the dress code? I've been looking to change out of this prince outfit for years! Maybe try out something comfy, like a green sweater-vest, a black turtleneck, some light purple pants..." He realized he had started rambling.

"Kunzite-san!" Prince Endymion announced, trying to get back to business. "As my Senior Advisor, it is only fitting that I present you with the most difficult task."

Kunzite nodded confidently, pleased to be rightfully viewed as the most competent of the four.

"I shall send you to the Earth Kingdom Embassy to gather a report on the current status of our Golden Kingdom."

"Yes, my prince," Kunzite said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his tone. He headed off, following the signs directing him to the Embassy.

"Next," Endymion continued, "I will need someone to observe the stars and provide me with a description of their current alignments with the planets. This person must have a vast comprehension of astrology, in addition to an ability to communicate with the stars and predict potential threats. Thus, it must be quite clear which of the three of you I shall present with this task."

Nephrite nodded.

"Jadeite, I choose you!"

"Huh?" Jadeite replied.

"What?" Nephrite said in shock.

"lol," Zoisite added.

"Hop to it, Jadeite-san!" Prince Endymion encouraged. "There's not a minute to waste!"

"Umm, yes sir," said Jadeite, wandering off in an attempt to locate a planetarium or whatever it was that those astrologer people used.

"Now, the next position I will need filled is someone to tend to my flower garden."

Nephrite grimmaced, and prayed that he would not be the one forced to waste his skills on something as petty as gardening. Then, he noticed that Zoisite had perked up and grown excited about this job description.

"Prince," Zoisite began. "I will take on this assignment of-"

"Prince Endymion!" Nephrite interjected. "Let me handle it!"

"WHAT?" screamed Zoisite.

"Very well, Nephrite!" Endymion agreed. "Go for it! I didn't realize you had such a green thumb, but I'll take your word for it!"

"WHAT?" Zoisite repeated. "Tending to the flower garden was supposed to be my job!"

"Hahahaha," Nephrite laughed mockingly. "Mr. StealYourJob strikes again!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Zoisite shouted, shaking with anger.

"Ha," Nephrite scoffed. "Yeah right!" He strolled off, still laughing.

"Don't worry, Zoi-chan!" Prince Endymion said reassuringly.

Zoisite stared at Mamoru. "Ima kill him."

"I still have a special task remaining, one that can only be carried out by someone as brilliant as you!"

"Oh?" Zoisite inquired, mildly intrigued.

"Zoisite-san, this is an incredibly important and crucial duty. It is by my honor that I bestow upon you the exceedingly critical task of..." He sat down on a bench, putting his feet up on a table. "Shining my shoes!"

"DUEGHEUGHEUGHEUGH!"


	4. Chapter 4

Jadeite roamed throught the streets of the Moon Kingdom. Where could he possibly go to observe the stars? Especially in the middle of the afternoon?

"What's that thing called, that the spaceographers use?" he wondered aloud. "A microscope?"

He walked up to a random civilian.

"Excuse me," he began, "Would you happen to know where the palace stethoscope is located?"

"Umm..." the civilian thought, quite confused. "I guess the medical clinic would have a stethoscope?"

"Ok, thanks!" Jadeite said, heading towards the aforementioned building. He thought it was strange that a doctor's office would care about the stars, but figured that a random pedestrian must know better than he did.

Walking into the clinic, he asked, "Hey, can I have a look through your kaleidoscope? I was sent under the Prince's direct orders."

The doctor looked fearful. "Oh, my, I would love to help the Prince, but I simply don't have any kaleidoscopes around here!"

Jadeite sighed. "Great. Now how will I look at the stars?"

"Look at the stars, you say?" the doctor asked. "Why don't you just go to the palace observatory?"

"I know!" Jadeite exclaimed, an idea suddenly coming to him. "Why don't I just go to the palace observatory?"

He headed off to the opposite side of the kingdom, where the observatory was located.

Upon finally arrivig at it, he walked in and gazed through the telescope up at the stars. They looked... normal.

"Alright, now to write up that report for Endymion!" he announced to himself.

"Let's see..." he began to write.

 _Jadeite's Star Log, Day 1. Today, the stars look like they usually do._

"Hmm, that's all there really is to say about them. But it just doesn't seem like enough. I know! I'll just bs my way through this report, just like I did while getting my undergrad in EVIL!"

 _There are many stars in the sky. They are kind of white, but I guess they could also be described as yellow. They are kind of twinkly. They are like dots, a whole bunch of them. They even make up this one shape, like four of them are like the points of a square. Stars are shapes with five points. Five is the number after four, but before six. The moon is very pretty today. Why do I see the moon from the moon? Everything is ruled by the stars. I learned many things while writing this report. Insert thesis statement here. In conclusion, everything checks out perfectly and there are no celestial dangers whatsoever._

"And, done!" Jadeite applauded himself. "Now to double space, put extra spaces after the periods, size 36 font..."

It was a little weird though. At one point, when he looked at the stars, it almost appeared that they spelled out the words 'EMINENT DANGER.' But by the time he had noticed this, his essay had already reached 500 words (with the extra words in white font that he had added at the bottom) and so there was no point mentioning it.

Jadeite figured he ought to take one more look up at the stars, to make sure they were still the same as when he first began his report.

But for some strange reason, he couldn't see any stars. He could see, however, this strange spherical object, blocking most of his view. The spherical object grew in size.

"Whatever," he concluded. He started to head out of the observatory, report in hand. "The important thing is that by using my badass starstronomy skills, I was able to verify that there was no threat."

Just then, a meteor smashed into the observatory. Jadeite was launched from the building.

"OOF!"

* * *

Nephrite dunked a pail into the moon lake, filling it with water.

"Ok," he said to himself. "I don't know anything about taking care of plants, but it can't be hard. I'll just dump this water on Endymion's little garden, make sure the soil is wet, and call it a day."

While he didn't look forward to the task at hand, he looked forward to seeing Zoisite's face when he came back and went on about how much fun he had. Maybe he'd even do such a good job that Endymion would give him a raise, right in Zoisite's face! Then again, were they actually getting paid?

Nephrite followed a path leading to the palace garden. It lead him up a hill. He reached the top, and peered down into the valley below. He dropped to his knees in horror.

As far as the eyes could see, covering an expanse of acres upon acres, miles upon miles, were rows and rows of red rose bushes. The entirety of the valley was filled to the brim, and he couldn't even tell how much further the rows extended.

Nephrite's measly pale tipped over and spilled out, making no more than a small puddle.

"So that's where he gets all of those roses from..."

* * *

Zoisite dunked his mop back in the bucket, and continued mopping the palace halls, all while wearing a look of the murderous fury of one thousand homicidal maniacs.

Endymion walked up beside him yet again. "Zoisite-san! You missed a spot!"

"I JUST did that spot."

"Oh, really? It doesn't look like it. Try doing it again, but this time, better."

"Ima kill him," Zoisite repeated for the 78th time in a row. He went back to the spot he had just finished and angrily started over.

"Zoi-chan! Your strokes are too short and violent. Try using longer, more meticulous mop strokes. Want me to show you again?"

"Ima kill him."

Zoisite spawned another crystal on the floor behind Mamoru's back as he repeated his demonstration on how to mop with care. He telepathically raised the crystal to be level with Mamoru, and then began to pull it forward.

"Enjoy breathing your last breath, Mamo-chan!" Zoisite shouted, smirking maliciously. "Zoi!"

"Huh? Did someone just yell something evil?" This distraction caused Mamoru to accidentally drop his mop. He bent down to pick it up right as the crystal reached him, so it flew over his head. Instead, it hit a random palace guard. The guard screamed, and fell to the floor, dead.

"Oh no!" cried Endymion in horror.

Zoisite suddenly felt sick. He didn't care that he had murdered an innocent person - it was just that he had probably blown his, and as a result, all of his fellow Shitennou's covers. Not that he liked half of them, but still. They were about to be in a load of trouble...

"Look at this mess!" the prince screamed. "He's getting blood all over the freshly mopped floor!"

Zoisite blinked.

"Quick! Zoisite! Mop up this blood and throw away this carcass. Then, re-mop this entire hallway. Oh, the horror! This floor was perfect, and now it's ruined! I've changed my mind. Re-mop this entire hallway, and then re-re-mop it again. These floors need to be absolutely perfect for the princess! Don't stop until I can see my reflection!"

"AUEGHEUGHEUGHEUGH!"

* * *

At long last, Kunzite had reached the Earth Kingdom Embassy. It wasn't that it had been a long walk. He just ended up happening upon Sailor Pluto's Palatable Pizza on the way there, and figured he ought to stop for a quick snack.

And boy, was it a quick snack. It was almost as though time itself sped up as Kunzite gobbled down three full pineapple and anchovie pizzas.

After leaving the pizza place, Kunzite realized he still had a great deal of time on his hands. Continuing his walk to the Embassy, he passed by a place called Happy Harry's Hair Salon. He decided he could spare a few minutes, and so he stopped in there for a bit.

The thing was, a few weeks ago, he had had a run in with Sailor Mercury, and she had told him to "Go bleach your roots, creep!" This had caused him to feel very self conscious about his hair, and he concluded that it was time to take her recommendation.

With freshly bleached roots and a whole new air of confidence, Kunzite kept on his journey to the embassy. But yet again, he was distracted from his mission, this time by a group of little girls, asking him if he wanted to partake in the eating of something called 'Girlscout Cookies.'

He calmly refused, and began to walk away, when the girls' parents began guilt-tripping him for not buying the cookies. He didn't want to draw attention to himself by obliterating the little girls and their parents, so he forked over four bucks and bought a box of cookies. He threw them in a trash can as soon as he was out of the Girlscouts' line of sight. He had gotten a couple blocks down the street, when his curiosity got the best of him, and he went back for the cookies. He tasted one. And it was AMAZING!

He returned to the Girlscouts and demanded a few more boxes. He hadn't even made it a block down the street before he had finished all of the boxes, so he returned and bought every last box that they were selling.

So 30 boxes of cookies and a few blocks later, he had reached the Embassy. He whiped the crumbs off his uniform and entered cautiously.

"Hello. I am Lord Kunzite. I have come to request information on the current state of the Earth Kingdom, on behalf of Prince Endymion."

The embassy workers checked their files.

"The Earth Kingdom is doing A-Okay!" they told him.

"Alright, uh, great! Go on," Kunzite replied.

"No, that's it."

"What do you mean?" Kunzite asked. "Prince Endymion sent me to retrieve critical data on the Golden Kingdom's status. Isn't there going to be some sort of extensive record file I must bring him, or a detailed report on the breakdown of each individual branch of-"

"Nope. Just tell him the Earth Kingdom's doing fine. That's all he wanted to know."

"Oh," Kunzite said. "Uh, thanks, then." He walked out of the embassy.

"Well, that was much easier than I thought it would be," he said aloud. "And here I was, thinking I'd actually have to do some hard work for that guy!" He laughed.

"Blending in here isn't going to be nearly as painful as I imagined. I just hope the other generals' days went as well as mine did!"


End file.
